Blue Midget Forever!

I'm moving out of my apartment. I'm sad. It's been really a difficult year, and there were times when I just didn't want to drive back to my apartment after my weekend at home with my family and boyfriend, but I also can't overlook how much good I have experienced in this apartment.

I live in a college town which has its advantages and disadvantages. For the most part I've only really focused on the negative aspects while living down here. But seriously, I love my roommates. I have learned SO much from living with them. I wasn't incredibly close to each of them, but we all had good relationships with each other, and we all knew how to have fun together.

We held parliament sessions for a while, where we would vote on certain things, like naming the room in which we met "The Room of Requirement" and the bathroom "The Other Room of Requirement". Inside jokes sprung up and were carried out adequately for what has literally been months later, like the "blue midget" and "the bedroom of the blue midget".

I wanted to move out of my parents house and experience everything I knew would come with moving out. So I did, I transfered schools and moved 40 miles away. I had a boyfriend at home, and risked ending it, but I knew it was important. I really knew I had something to learn out on my own. And I think I did learn it.

When I stop to think about it, I feel gratitude and humility. Gratitude because I have had WONDERFUL experiences out here, and humility because I could have done SO MUCH MORE to have learned and experienced out here.

True I don't like this city at all. I feel like it's a bit junky and everyone in it is self-centered and self-focussed as they are all working to learn and take care of themselves right now, but I honestly have spent this last school year in the greatest apartment I've ever seen with people who were absolutely perfect for me to live with. No I didn't always think they were perfect. I had some quiet but definite frustrations and moments of anger with some of them, but now that it's over, I don't really care about any of that. Right now I'm just remembering the good.

It feels like only two weeks ago when I was meeting cute Erin who I was to share a room with. It feels like only yesterday that I started my first week of school down here. I remember soooo clearly that first week, and coming home each day from class and feeling like a piece of my stomach had fallen out on my walk home. I was lonely and homesick and uneasy in my foreign surroundings, but I can't remember any of it lasting longer than a week.

This apartment to me represents my personal place. Here I have invested only myself. Joey has come to visit, but he definitely isn't a part of what this place means to me. This apartment is untainted by my relationships with others. Instead I look around and see purely myself and I can almost feel the change in me as I have learned to be independent in a new way. Not just in supporting myself, but in learning to survive without loved ones always close at hand who will give me a hug when I need one. Yes my roommates were all here with me, but there is an indescribable difference. We were all friends but we were all learning the majority of things individually.

Life changes, but change is good. It can be really hard for me sometimes, but at the same time I NEED it. I'd go crazy without it. Tomorrow I take another final exam, finish packing, go to my last day of work at the chocolate store then drive home. There I will finish some necessary wedding preparations, get ready for Italy, then fly to Europe for eight weeks. I will then come home, wait 50 days, then get married to my adorable and handsome fiance who makes my life that much better. From there I don't really know where I'll go, but like I said, change is good. Just like I knew I had something to learn from living on my own, I know I have a great deal to learn from every other experience that comes my way.

So after having slept here for approximately 210 days, this is my last night, and as it is with everything that comes to an end in my life, I am sad. This place holds a chunk of my life. It wasn't incredibly long, but it was magnificent. I don't measure its importance in time, but rather in what I've learned, and believe me, I've learned a lot.

I'd be surprised if anyone has made it through to the end of this entry. But honestly I didn't write it out for anyone but myself. I was cleaning out the last bits of my closet when I realized I'd been sitting in the closet for over fifteen minutes staring at a wall and thinking about leaving. I wanted to write in my journal, but I took my journals all home last weekend. So here I am, typing.

(PS, too bad I didn't realize how much I liked sitting in the closet until my last night. I probably would have gotten a lot of homework done in there.)

Ok. I'll end this now. I hurried and took some pictures because I realized that I did in fact want them, even if it's lame and cheesy. So I'll probably post some of them. This really was the perfect place to live. It's so beautiful and homey.

So yeah, it's been a rough year. School was hard, work was stressful, especially when my manager hated me, but I don't regret having come down here for even a second. This was so far the greatest thing I've ever done for myself, and I've done a lot. So if you haven't moved out and you're reading this, I would recommend it. Just do it. It's so worth it. Even the things that frustrated you will be meaningless by the end of it. Just as it is in all things, we simply need to look more at the positive.